Across the street, Tony ran out the door and screamed "God DAMN!" Pitching his cigar aside he dashed across the roadway toward me, with Anthony follow...ng. Anthony himself rushed to me in concern and alarm and helped pull me from under the bike. But my stepdad Tony flew into a rage. Kicking a couple of smashed cans out of the street and into the gutter, he flared angrily at me and screamed, "How fuckin' stupid!"Anthony uprighted the bike. Just as he wheeled it onto the sidewalk, Tony stomped. I felt sorry for Holly and went and picked her up and heldher while I sat curled up on the bed. I tried to stop crying. Why were the ladies here so different - nice -to me? I thought about the candy that Ms Marks and Ms Evens both gave meand started licking my thumb. That's what I was doing when Ms Marks camein.She said, "Does that thumb taste good, Jade." She was smiling, and Iwasn't sure if she was teasing or not."I was pretending it had candy on it," I said, still sobbing though Itried not. That's part of the problem right there. I didn't care.Shit. Jenny must be right. I am a closed book. So if that's the problem, the obvious solution is let myself open up. To get beyond the simple expedient of being 'the boyfriend' and allowing them to see the real me, which is terrifying to contemplate.Why was that such a scary thought? Fear of rejection? Well, I should be used to that by now. Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't. Unchecked anger is an unhealthy emotional neuroses that blinds the subject from rational thought. I was the spider and Betty was the fly.They were sitting stiffly on my Freudian leather couch as I set the refreshments on the coffee table. My swivel chair behind the imposing desk placed me slightly above my "clients" putting me in the dominant position. I spent some time ignoring them while clicking a silver ball point pen while pretending to peruse my notes. They shifted around uneasily and.
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